Friday, June 29, 2012

I want to be happy...!!!!!!


Then stop letting the smallest stuff ruin my whole entire day.
If  I'm bored with my daily routine, do something unexpected.
Stop complaining about how alone I am  when I surrounded by people that actually care about me.
Forget about all the drama, let go of the grudges I've been holding and live own life like there's not tomorrow.
Take a risk.
Just allow myself to be happy for once, because I deserve it.

Wednesday, June 27, 2012

Where Am I......

It felt like forever since I wrote something here.

Life's been a bitch. I don't know what to share here anymore. I felt lifeless and miserable.

I don't know if its karma that hit me or its just a phase that everyone will go through but I know this is seriously one of the hardest phase I have been through.
It's been the toughest weeks and the days felt so long especially when I'm eager for the things that I want to happen. Obviously it didn't.

I was told that I'm living in an imaginary life.... and in denial. As much as it hurts, at the moment I feel comfortable being this way. I avoid talking about it, avoid mentioning about it, avoid answering questions about it and avoid myself from accepting the fact.
I just don't want to accept certain things yet. The truth is always ugly. I am not strong enough to face it yet. I am still looking for the courage. And I'm definitely learning. Learning how to love myself more and learn how to handle things correctly.
A gentle reminder that I always hear, I would like to share: Putting someone before yourself all the time is wrong.

Well of course, when there are downs, there are sure to be ups to compliment each other.
I just got back from Jogja. It was really a good trip, an escape for me to be precise to keep myself away from all the shit that I never welcomed.

Tuesday, June 26, 2012

It's not over

My tears run down like razorblades and no, I'm not the one to blame: it's you or is it me?
And all the words we never say come out and now we are all ashamed. And there is no sense
In playing games, when you done all you can do.

But now it's over, it's over. Why is it over? We had the chance to make it. Now it's over,
It's over. It can't be over. I wish that I could take it back, but it's over.

I lose myself in all these fights
I lose my sense of wrong and right. I cry, I cry. I'm
Shaking from the pain that's in my head. I just want to crawl into my bed and throw away
The life that I led. But I won't let it die. But I won't let it die.

But it's over, it's over. Why is it over? We had the chance to make it. Now it's over,
It's over. It can't be over. I wish that I could take it back.

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart. Don't say this wont last forever. You're breaking
My heart, you're breaking my heart. Don't tell that we will never be together. We could be over
And over, we could be forever.

I'm falling apart, I'm falling apart. Don't say this wont last forever. You're breaking
My heart, you're breaking my heart. Don't tell that we will never be together. We could be over
And over, we could be forever.

It's not over. It's not over, it's never over, unless you let it take you, it's not over,
It's not over, it's not over, unless you let it break you. It's not over.

Monday, June 25, 2012

Butiran Debu......

Namaku cinta ketika kita bersama
Berbagi rasa untuk selamanya
Namaku cinta ketika kita bersama
Berbagi rasa sepanjang usia

Hingga tiba saatnya aku pun melihat
Cintaku yang khianat, cintaku berkhianat
Aku terjatuh dan tak bisa bangkit lagi
Aku tenggelam dalam lautan luka dalam
Aku tersesat dan tak tahu arah jalan pulang
Aku tanpamu butiran debu

Namaku cinta ketika kita bersama
Berbagi rasa untuk selamanya
Namaku cinta ketika kita bersama
Berbagi rasa sepanjang usia
Hingga tiba saatnya aku pun melihat
Cintaku yang khianat, cintaku berkhianat ooh
Menepi menepilah menjauh
Semua yang terjadi di antara kita ooh

Aku terjatuh dan tak bisa bangkit lagi
Aku tenggelam dalam lautan luka dalam
Aku tersesat dan tak tahu arah jalan pulang
Aku tanpamu butiran debu
(aku terjatuh dan tak bisa bangkit lagi
Aku tenggelam dalam lautan) dalam luka dalam
Aku tersesat dan tak tahu arah jalan pulang
Aku tanpamu butiran debu, aku tanpamu butiran debu
Aku tanpamu butiran debu, aku tanpamu butiran debu
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EkZ_HPWSnW0&feature=related


Friday, June 22, 2012

HOLDING ON...

Weak.
Slow.
Quiet.
Insomnia.
Scars.
Unproductive.
Unwanted.
Not needed.
Fake smiles.
Depression.
Helpless.
Distraught.
Unmotivated.

They all come with a face stained by tears all the time.
 
 

ACHE.....

Seeing your face, hearing your voice, answering your questions, hearing your stories, listening to you breathing, smelling your scent, feeling your touch...
It all felt like a knife striking right through my heart. Continuously.
Me eyes felt like there are a million blades cutting them.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Dont let people steal your joy.!!


We all have times when we wake up in the morning and feel the blahs and blues; we don't feel very excited. But just because we feel those emotions doesn't mean we have to stay there and give in to them; we can shake it off and move forward in faith relying on God's strength.

Sometimes the best thing we can do is talk to ourselves and speak scripture over our lives. When you're tempted to be in a bad mood, go look in the mirror and say, "Listen here, self. You need to cheer up. Get your joy back, get your peace back. I'm not going to live this day defeated." You have to stay on the offensive. Don't wait until you've been down for three days before you decide to do something about it. The moment you feel that discouragement trying to come on you, rise up and say, "No, I'm not going there." You wake up in the morning and feel the blahs, you say, "Nope, that's not for me. This is going to be a good day. It's the day the Lord has made."

Do you know being in a sour mood because of your problems doesn't make it better, it makes it worse? It puts more pressure on you. It makes you more miserable. A better approach is to say, "God, I'm turning this situation over to You. I'm not going to let it steal my joy. I know You're in control. And at the right time, I believe You'll not only turn it around, but You'll bring me out better off than I was before." That's how we rule over negative feelings. It's simply a decision that we make every day where we have to dig our heels in and decide that our feelings are not going to dictate what kind of day we're going to have. You can rule over your emotions and choose to be in a good mood in spite of how you feel. You can choose what kind of day you're going to have. You can choose how you're going to live your life.

Decide not to live by how you feel. Go deeper than that and start living by what you know. You know God is in control. You know He's got a great plan for your life. You know His power is greater than any other power. When you wake up and those old negative, discouraging thoughts and feelings come, shake them off. Be done with that roller coaster living. Don't give into your emotions and let them keep you from God's blessings and promotion. Start choosing to live each day in God's peace. Decide that you're going to have a great day. By doing so, you will see God work in your life in greater ways because your eyes are fixed toward Him instead of your situation, and you'll live the life of victory He has in store for you!

Amen!

Monday, June 18, 2012

June 18th 2012

Don't  judge me by my past, I don't live there anymore



YOU SHOULDN'T BE SPEAKING ABOUT ME IF YOU ONLY  KNOW MY NAME,
NOT MY STORY !!!!!

Thursday, June 14, 2012

Dear God,,


Dear God,

I just want to thank you. I want to thank you for every breath, every tear, every smile, and every day that I get to live.
Thank you for carrying me when I was weak, and for walking with me when I was alone. Thank you for being the one who listened when no one else was there.
Thank you for giving me the strength I needed to continue on. I admit, I'm not the best person out there, but you never left my side.
I sin and make mistakes, but I try my best to be a better person after learning from them.
Please never let me stray away from you, always keep me on the right path cause without you I'd be lost ♡.

Tuesday, June 12, 2012

Back to December.......

I played this music repeat and repeat again,
so much meaning for meee.........
yeah, If I could back time to December I really wanna to didnt make like this...


I'm so glad you made time to see me.
How's life? Tell me how's your family?
I haven't seen them in a while.
You've been good, busier than ever,
We small talk, work and the weather,
Your guard is up and I know why.

'cause the last time you saw me

Is still burned in the back of your mind
You gave me roses and I left them there to die.

So this is me swallowing my pride

Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night",
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you.
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right
I go back to December all the time.

These days I haven't been sleeping

Staying up playing back myself leavin'
When your birthday passed and I didn't call.
And I think about summer, all the beautiful times,
I watched you laughing from the passenger side.
Realized that I loved you in the fall

Then the cold came, the dark days when fear crept into my mind

You gave me all your love and all I gave you was "Goodbye"

So this is me swallowing my pride

Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night".
And I go back to December all the time.
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I realized what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind
I go back to December all the time.

I miss your tanned skin, your sweet smile, so good to me, so right

And how you held me in your arms that September night
The first time you ever saw me cry

Maybe this is wishful thinking,

Probably mindless dreaming,
If we loved again I swear I'd love you right...

I'd go back in time and change it but I can't.

So if the chain is on your door I understand.

But this is me swallowing my pride

Standing in front of you saying, "I'm sorry for that night"
And I go back to December...
It turns out freedom ain't nothing but missing you,
Wishing that I'd realize what I had when you were mine.
I'd go back to December, turn around and make it all right.
I'd go back to December, turn around and change my own mind

I'd go back to December all the time.

All the time 



http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lp6tFk4vhPo

Monday, June 11, 2012

One Shoot.....

I’ll go out there and make my mistakes.
I’ll fall down, get hurt, cry, laugh, love, and get back up.
I’ll stand on the highest mountaintop and go into the deepest caverns.
I’ll roam across the world, visit the moon and swim in outer space.
I’ll let my imagination run wild and let my spirit soar.
Why?
Because when my life flashes before my eyes in those final moments,
I want to have something worthwhile to watch,
with plenty of love and laughter, good times and bad.
I don’t want to regret a thing and I plan not to.
Remember, it’s not usually the things you do that you regret, it’s the things you don’t do and leave unsaid.
Laugh out loud. Cry in the rain. Love with all your heart and soul.
Get hurt. Tell the truth. Go crazy.
 But never forget that you only get one shot.
One shot at this day, one shot at this minute.
One shot at this age. One shot at life.
So make sure your life is one you will enjoy watching in your final moments.

Breakaway...

I copy and paste this words from SOS Status Update on Facebook, he wrote those words a view days ago,,,
I've tried to be casual, but I can't I was cried whole night cause it..



"almost 3 years we've been together, everyday that we've been through seems like wonderful..
you give me your laugh, your big smile, your life story, your sadness, your tears, your happiness, your heart and your love..
now, everything have been just a memory of my life, your left your little part in my heart and that part would be never ever gone..
still i can't imagine how do i live without everything that we've been do..
still i can't imagine how do i spend my every weekend without you..
still i can't imagine how do i through all my sadness without your shoulder..
still i can't imagine how do i share all my happiness without your smile..
i just wishing you luck out there..
wishing you'll find your true love out there..
wishing you'll find another happiness out there..
wishing you'll find your true guy out there..

just be strong my little girl...."


 since we decided to end our relationship
since we decided to end our relationship its so much awkward, felt so strange and It not what I wont't.!!
but what I've supossed to do??
but how to us to make it right??
how to make it ..............
HOW.???!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am still love him more than he know, and maybe he's too but it so much complicated..
I just cried all night long just because think about this.!!



Sunday, 10 june 2012...

we hang out together, he pick me up and go to movie..
honestly, Im happy to be his side again, he always now how to make me smile
how to make me stop cried...




I love him with all my heart but if God didnt let us to be together, I just hopes...
he'll get the best, he'll get a women who love him the most,
a women who love his family too, especially his Mom..


God,,,
Please give me a strong heart to believed if his not mine...


 


 

Friday, June 8, 2012

This Is Me...

I’ve always been the kind of girl
That hid my face
So afraid to tell the world
What I’ve got to say
But I have this dream
Right inside of me
I’m gonna let it show
It’s time to let you know
to let you know


This is real
This is me
I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be now
Gonna let light shine on me
Now I’ve found who I am
There’s no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I wanna be
This is me
Do you know what it’s like
To feel so in the dark
To dream about a life
Where you’re the shining star
Even though it seems
Like it’s too far away
I’ve got to believe in myself
It’s the only way
This is real
This is me
I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be now
Gonna let light shine on me
Now I’ve found who I am
There’s no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I wanna be
This is me
You’re the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I’m singing
I need to find you
I gotta find you
You’re the missing piece I need
The song inside of me
I need to find you
I gotta find you
This is real
This is me
I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be now
Gonna let light shine on me
Now I’ve found who I am
There’s no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I wanna be
This is me
You’re the missing piece I need
The song inside of me
This is me
You’re the voice I hear inside my head
The reason that I’m singing
Now I’ve found who I am
There’s no way to hold it in
No more hiding who I wanna be
This is me


Demi lovato - Joe Jonas

Thursday, June 7, 2012

I MISS YOU.......................




I will remember you in another moments and you will remember me, too

I'll miss you in another life
I'll miss you at different times
I'll miss you in a month other than December was a child
I'll miss you during the day instead of a long night
I'll miss you when it's sunny, no rain
I will miss him when he smiled at me and did not look at me like other empty
I'll miss you miss when you do not see you anymore
I'll miss you when you hear me if I wanted to hear
I will miss him when he ran to find me and with a hug
I'll miss you when my heart was hurt
and
.
.
.
at some time I will not remember

- Last week, as usual - :)





Jar Of Hearts




I know I can't take one more step towards you
Cause all thats waiting is regret
Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore
You lost the love I loved the most

I learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting a jar of hearts
Tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

I hear you're asking all around
If I am anywhere to be found
But I have grown too strong
To ever fall back in your arms

Ive learned to live, half alive
And now you want me one more time

Who do you think you are?
Runnin' 'round leaving scars
Collecting a jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
Don't come back for me
Who do you think you are?

It took so long just to feel alright
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes
I wish I had missed the first time that we kissed
Cause you broke all your promises
And now you're back
You don't get to get me back

Who do you think you are?
Running around leaving scars
Collecting a jar of hearts
And tearing love apart
You're gonna catch a cold
From the ice inside your soul
So don't come back for me
Dont come back at all


Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?
Who do you think you are?






Monday, June 4, 2012

260808........

"Sometimes you just need to realize that you can't have it all
and you can't fix every mistake you made.
You need to move on and try to be happy,
even if it's the hardest thing you'll ever do."

"There is no person in the world
who is made to handle every punch that's thrown at them.
We aren't made that way.
In fact, we're made to get mad, upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.
We aren't supposed to be able to handle everything.
But that's what makes us stronger in the end.
By learning from the things that hurt us most."

"Sometimes you need to stand up for what you believe in,
even if that means standing alone."
 
 



 

"Sometimes the hardest things to say are the things that really matter."

never leave you......

Everyone has those people you know?
The ones who are there for them through it all.
Through every single up and down of your life.
They are always right there,
riding the coaster with you,
squeezing your hand tight on all the biggest, scariest hills telling you,
“You’ll be okay, you’ll make it through, you can do this.”

You know that they will never hop off the coaster
at a stopping point to find an easier ride; they will stick with you because they want to.
You trust these people immensely and they trust you too.
These people, they complete you,
they bring the biggest smile to your face
and make your life worth living.

You know that they will always be there for you,
no matter what,
twenty-four hours a day,
seven days a week,
and all three hundred sixty-five days of the year.

You spend each day trying to think of some way,
any way, to repay them,
to help them understand what they have done for you,
but always come up short.
You simply tell them thank you,
hoping that will be enough,
but apologizing when you realize it isn’t.

They, though, find it enough for you to be happy
and knowing that your coaster has slowed down for now.
And as your coaster slowly picks up the pace once again,
you know these people are still there,
ready to support you and squeeze your hand when you,
once more, find yourself riding it out on those hills.

And even if, over time, you find yourself apart from these people,
you are never truly apart,
maybe by the standard definition,
but truly you aren’t.
Near or far, far or near,
these are the people that will always love you
and they’ll never leave you.

Friday, June 1, 2012

Hellooooo JUNE.!!!!!!

Dear May, thank you so much for being nice to me
so many moment i wasnt forget, you are so awesome month for me,
even I got attacked from many problems.
hahaha
but nevermind, Im still gratefull to faced you.
and now you're time is over,
once more thanks for all the Maymories :))

and now.......
say helloooooo to JUNE.!!!!!!!

Dear June,
Dont make it bad
Dont be affraid
Dont let me down

So let it out abd let it in

June Begin.........

keep smile


don’t you hate it when people make a joke about you,
about something that you are actually incredibly insecure about.
and they don’t realise it,
but every laugh feels like a stab in your chest,
because it hurts so much
and brings up memories you’d rather forget.
but you can’t say anything,
because then people would know your weaknesses.
they’d know how insecure you really are.
so instead you just laugh it off,
and hide the pain you feel inside.

I won't give up



When I look into your eyes
It’s like watching the night sky
Or a beautiful sunrise
Well there’s so much they hold
And just like them old stars
I see that you’ve come so far
To be right where you are
How old is your soul?

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up

And when you’re needing your space
To do some navigating
I’ll be here patiently waiting
To see what you find

‘Cause even the stars they burn
Some even fall to the earth
We’ve got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it
No, I won’t give up

I don’t wanna be someone who walks away so easily
I’m here to stay and make the difference that I can make
Our differences they do a lot to teach us how to use the tools and gifts
We got yeah we got a lot at stake
And in the end,
You’re still my friend at least we didn’t tend
For us to work we didn’t break, we didn’t burn
We had to learn, how to bend without the world caving in
I had to learn what I got, and what I’m not
And who I am

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up
I’m still looking up

I won’t give up on us
God knows I’m tough, he knows
We got a lot to learn
God knows we’re worth it

I won’t give up on us
Even if the skies get rough
I’m giving you all my love
I’m still looking up…


by : Jason Miraz