Love Is...

 It has been exactly 4 months into this Marriage

(technically is kinda surprise many people when they know  finally i'm marriage ).
I have been asked 'How is it going?' for so many times..
& I would always reply 'Okay ah!', because it really is!

In fact, for the past 4 months since  became husband and wife
our relationship has been even stronger than before :)
I just decided to skip all the details because I believe that as much as I am quite open about this relationship,
there are still some things that are meant to be kept between us two
i.e. the ups and downs that we experienced, like any other couples.
Nevertheless, there are some general thoughts which I thought I could share,
from my own experiences and mainly from the love stories which I have heard from others lately.
This is just a random post that I'm typing away at 1am,
so yea, just bits and pieces of my thoughts.


I cannot tell you exactly what love is; nobody can.
We all have different definitions of it.
One thing for sure, is that love in the long-run,
is not just about those racing heart and fluttery feelings.
Those butterflies in your stomach will not be in there for decades.
That newness and freshness of a relationship will wear off at some point of time.
If you base 'love' solely on such feelings,
you will only find yourself losing interest very often.
And you wonder why it never worked out with any of them?
That is because you have only fallen in love with the idea of falling in love,
and not with the partner that you are with.
When you are in love with your partner,
you think of ways to recreate the sparks every now and then,
& you make a choice to fall in love with your partner over and over again.
You focus on his/her strengths while both of you work on the weaknesses together.
You grow together.

You know how we sometimes turn to our close friends for advices
when we encounter hiccups or are troubled by some issues regarding the relationship?
While it is good to listen to the opinions of others to have a wider view
or different perspective of the issue,
you gotta remind yourself that at the end of the day,
your friends' view of the relationship may be just on the surface.
Only you will know best how your partner is really like,
how well (or bad) he/she has been treating you.
All the little daily things that your partner does for you,
your friends will not see it.
(Or if your partner is cold to you but appears loving in front of your friends,
your friends will not see it too.)
So while it's good to listen to your friends' views from a 3rd person perspective,
you ought to be clear-headed to judge for yourself!
Unfortunately, there will also be one or two friends who somehow believe that they are love gurus
(when they are leading a screwed-up life themselves),
and they will give you opinions of what they think about your relationship even when you did not ask for it.
Ignore their advices, really.
They impose their own definition of 'love' onto your relationship
and being Mr/Miss Know-it-all,
they think that you should listen to them. *inserts eye-rolling emoticon*

I've questioned myself 'what is love?'
& 'how do I know when someone truly loves me/I love someone?' so many times before
(and I still do so once in a while).
But I guess, over the years, I have slowly formed my own definition of 'love'.
To me, I feel love when I can feel the support and commitment from my partner.
Love is when my partner knows my insecurities, but instead of being furious with me for having those silly thoughts,
he listens and does his best to assure me, over and over again.
Love is when I know that I am a part of his plans for the future.
Most importantly, love is when I feel that immense joy when my partner is happy;
love is when I genuinely enjoy making my partner happy and I know he feels the same way too.
I believe, in order for a relationship to be strong,
both parties need to know each other's definition of love,
and only after understanding the depth of this love that both share,
they can then work hand-in-hand towards a strong and loving relationship,
that can last for many decades. :)

Abrupt ending here but I'll definitely share more thoughts if they come across my mind!

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Dear 19 year-old me

I was just looking through my very first few blog posts on this blog
(some of which are already kept as drafts), and all those memories came flooding back.
So I decided to write a letter to 19 year-old me
(instead of writing to 16/17 year-old me like what many did),
because that was a tough year for me.

Dear 19 year-old me,

You are not experiencing the worst stage of your life.
Whatever shit you are dealing with now, are just chapters of your life that you will look back and laugh at.

Stop hurting yourself; because when you do so, you are not just hurting yourself, you are also hurting your loved ones. 

And those physical pains are not going to solve your problems.
Deal with them, not escape. 

You feel that all is lost. I know you are having thoughts to call it quits. 

Thank you, thank you for not being so silly and selfish. 

Otherwise, there wouldn't be a me now to tell you all these.
Thank you, for holding on.


**************

Forgive him. You will take a few years to let it go eventually,
and you will cry over him very oftenly, but you will eventually take it easier.
Know that you will always be his silly little girl, and he will always love you,
no matter how little he shows it. 

I know that you are looking forward to the day that he walk you down the aisle, so am I.

As for that young man who let you go, forget him.
Well, you will take almost a year to let go fully, but time will heal this wound.
Yes, there are things that I wish I could have told you earlier
so that you could make the relationship work and prolly last longer than it did,
but hey, no worries at all, you will realise that it was just not meant to be.
And no, it is not entirely your fault.
You are innocent (or rather, ignorant), but it is perfectly okay.
You can stop hoping that you will be back to being good friends, like before.
It will not happen.
Years from now, you will be looking back at this relationship,
wishing that you handled the breakup better.
This will probably be one of your lifetime regrets, but you will learn alot from it and move on.

Stop comparing yourself with others, and you will be so much happier.
Compare only with your own progress.
Others will always compare you with someone else,
or see you as their competition and make your life difficult, let them be.
You just focus on your own race, and never allow that inferiority of yours to take control.

Some of your close friends now, will still be your closest several years later.
You will realise that these are your true friends who will never judge you,
and will always be supporting you. 

You will meet new friends.
Some will be passer-bys in your life, while some will stay.
You will learn to filter people from your life,
and learn to be careful with your inner circle of trust.

That buddy of yours? 

You will never see this coming, but he will be your other half in years to come.
Don't laugh! It will happen.
Oh wait, you will almost get together with him 2 years from now,

but please just let it remain as an 'almost'!
You will be glad that both of you missed that chance.

Be patient, and wait for another 2 years. Because that will then be the best timing for the both of you.

Anyway, both of you will help each other to grow,

and you will be glad to be in love with your best (guy) friend.

You will take your first plane ride when you are 21,
and you will fall in love with traveling when you turn 23.

Travel is never a bad investment.

Do not allow money to stop you from exploring the world; sort out your finances properly,

and you will definitely be able to fork out some amount for the trips.

By 25, you will not have purchased a single branded bag,

because you will rather spend it on traveling. Keep it that way.

There are times when you will be frustrated with your own things,
and you will lose your temper.

Sometimes, you will forget that while you are growing up, she is growing older and weaker too.
I wish I could remind you that constantly..

Please work harder in giving her a better life that she truly deserves.

I am angry with you for those huge quarrels you had with your sister,
it pains her terribly, you know?
She is the one who will often see the worst side of you;
those days when you lock yourself in the room to cry badly, she knows.

Talk to her; she wants to listen and know more about what is going on in your life.
As she grows older, she will start to repeat the things that she says,
but listen to her and let her talk.
You want her to be happy, but guess what?

She told me that for her to be happy, you must first be happy too.
Her unconditional love, will keep you going strong.

Last but not least, you knew what your passion is all these while;
so pursue it with all your heart. 

It will be very tough, but you gotta believe that it will all work out. 

Well, it may not work out exactly the way you wish it will,
and there will be so many disheartening moments,
but you will learn from all those falls and you will get up stronger than before.

Don't fret about those failures, just try your best to not stay down for too long
and do not be too harsh on yourself.
You need to get up and continue your journey!

Let me tell you frankly: the years ahead will be a bumpy one, 

but fret not, you will get through them eventually.

Keep going, take chances and do not be afraid to try.

Remember your motto?

'If you don't try, you miss all your chances.'

Do not worry about the mistakes that you will make along the way.
These mistakes that you make will make me who I am now, 

and help me to be stronger than ever.

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